Solitude

Never ask me about May. I meant to write, but it was so hard. Anyway, it's summer now. Time has passed by so quickly that I almost don't know what to do with myself. The semester is finished soon, and I am off to 10th grade in the blink of an eye. I had many exams in May and had a lot to do. But still I sit here now. I read through my old posts from January and February, and had to smile to myself. I'm an ever-changing girl. I really am.

I find myself more on the edge than before. I am older. I have crushes I must never speak of. I don't listen to Taylor Swift much anymore, I only listen to The Weeknd and Lana Del Rey's unreleased tracks. I am now posting on my mother's old MacBook Air from 2013, since I inherited it from her. Who wants a Chromebook when you can have this? Anyway, I am writing more now as well. My newest work is called Estella. I love it. Because no matter how well known I am in my city, for my last name and now me in general, I stay alone. And I have chosen to actually try to accept it.

People will give me compliments. People will spread lies and confess their crushes. But at this point, it is like I have built up a wall. And this summer when I am at my grandparents farm again, I will let it all go. In our constant pursuit of productivity and achievement, we've forgotten the power of solitude. It's a delicate balance, this dance with ourselves, where we learn to listen to the whispers of our own hearts. Solitude isn't about being alone, but about being with oneself in a way that nurtures the soul. It's in these precious moments that we rediscover our truest selves, stripped of the external noise and the expectations of others.

Imagine a day where you let go of your devices, the digital tethers that keep you bound to the world's demands. Picture yourself in a serene meadow, the sun's golden rays warming your skin, a gentle breeze whispering through the leaves. The only sounds are the melodies of nature, the rustling of leaves, the chirping of birds. Here, in this sanctuary of silence, you find clarity. Your thoughts, once a tangled mess, begin to unravel, revealing the simplicity of what truly matters. A day when I can daydream about him, no matter how old he is or wrong I might be. 

At the end of the day, I am Lenna.