Rehersals

“I’ve been looking at all the ordinary staples of flirting," says Julia, "like biting your lip and looking away just a second too late, and laughing a lot and finding every excuse to touch, light fingertips on a forearm or a thigh that emphasize and punctuate the laughter. I’ve been thinking about what a comfort these things are, these textbook methods, precisely because they need no decoding, no translation. Once, a long time ago, you could probably bite your lip and it would mean, I am almost overcome with desiring you. Now you bite your lip and it means, I want you to see that I am almost overcome with desiring you, so I am using the plainest and most universally accepted symbol I can think of to make you see. Now it means, Both of us know the implications of my biting my lip, and what I am trying to say. We are speaking a language, you and I together, a language that we did not invent, a language that is not unique to our uttering. We are speaking someone else’s lines. It’s a comfort.”

― Eleanor Catton, The Rehearsal

Walk By

January has lasted for a year, I swear!! I've actually had enough of this school. The good thing is that I no longer feel terrible when the girls post videos of them hanging out without me, since I'd rather be without them. I actually hate them. So shutting me out is kind of a good thing of them.

I know better than to use all my free time hitting up older men.

They come to me, not the other way around.

Anyway, I am fifteen, and this year I will start high school in my country. From 2025 to 2028 I will finish my schooling, and now I am in the process of choosing a school. I am of course choosing a Christian one with 2000s vibes. Both my parents went to it, and met there, and kissed in the hallways I will be walking when I get my boyfriend. Mom and I are becoming more and more alike, and I like it. Most of the time, anyway.

"Breathe, Eat, Sleep, Wake Up, And Then Do It All Over Again Until One Day It's Not As Hard Anymore." - Elena Gilbert ❤

Itty Bitty Kiss

 

Changes

Good morning, people on my computer!

Last year, I wrote an introduction post to this blog. In the end of this post, I wrote: "In this little online diary of mine, expect a blend of awkward observations, introspective ramblings, and maybe a dash of sarcasm. So, if you're into musings from the shadows, tales of a perpetually clumsy girl, and for example Twilight or Taylor Swift, stick around."

It's funny, because I've changed so much, and so has this blog. But I'm going to keep writing, hey, I love that I've had it for a year now! But unfortunately it will probably never have anything to do with Taylor Swift this year, since I'm not a Swiftie anymore. I was from 2016 to April 2024. Anyway, how am I going to get through this new semester at school? I'm a star student academically, but girls love to ruin my life. Jealousy, everyone says. That's the cause. But would life be easier for me if I didn't put on makeup every morning, and didn't even try to be beautiful? The boys love me, so the girls hate me. And I can live with that, because I have the teens in church. 

But how am I going to live with that? Fifteen-year-old girls make me want to...

We have a meter of snow in my town, and we can ski to school. Most people do it. I love it (guess where I'm from haha). Happy new year, I celebrated with family and my cousins' girlfriends. 2025, it's disgusting that we are here. I'm afraid of getting older, but I can't wait to be able to breathe again, and not be with these girls at school. My new start, this school was supposed to be. But it was worse than the last one. God is interesting, he likes to make me strong.

In the introduction I promised you that this blog wouldn't be personal. Well, it's a new year, and damn it, it's a new me too. Love y'all!

Kisses, Lenna ♥